Do you feel stuck with the choices you’ve made for your care during pregnancy? Do you feel uncomfortable with the location you’ve chosen to give birth? I’m not asking what the reasons are, you don’t have to justify yourself at all! I’m simply asking this: if you allowed yourself to take a deep look at how you really feel about the things you’ve chosen so far, do you feel truly settled and at peace?
You may be perfectly happy with the setup you have for both provider and delivery, which is absolutely wonderful!
But if the answer to any of those questions is “no”, then I want you to know that it’s absolutely not too late to change. Even if you are in the last few weeks of pregnancy, it may be possible to still have options that work for you, while trickier, especially if there are any concerns, it’s still worth looking into for your peace of mind.
It’s totally normal for women to feel very stuck once they’ve made a decision about their prenatal care. You suddenly realize that maybe you don’t want to be part of a rotation of 20 OB/GYN’s, or maybe you decide that’s not the hospital you want to birth at. Alternatively, maybe you feel like you’d be more comfortable at a hospital birth even though you’ve had a home birth planned all along. Whatever it is, you simply feel uncomfortable now, and that is totally ok.
I have to admit, it’s not something I had thought a lot about. I had also felt a little stuck a few times with some of my pregnancies. So when a first-time mom-to-be was talking to me about her OB appointments and was clearly uncomfortable with her experiences, a light bulb went on. Sometimes we need someone to tell us, or remind us, that we aren’t stuck, that we have options, that we can still make changes.
So, that’s what I told her. We talked for a few minutes first about what was making her uncomfortable in her situation. She was following the path that her friends had followed, but was finding it uncomfortable for herself. She wanted very different things from her caregiver than what she was getting.
I got a good feel for what she was missing and showed her different options that were available to her. She was about 26 weeks and not only did she not know about the other options, she thought it was too late. It wasn’t. A few weeks later, she had made her choice and made the switch, and she couldn’t be happier. She said it’s the perfect fit and she feels so much more comfortable with the goals and the process now.
Ultimately, this is exactly what I would wish for any woman in her search for care. Feeling fully comfortable with the care for pregnancy and the goals for birth. Knowing that her care team is completely aligned with those goals and wants her to reach them. Confidence in the professionals and support you’ll have at birth is key! It makes a huge difference in how you labor and how you feel during your birth.
No matter how far into pregnancy you are, there are things you can do, changes you can make to increase your confidence going into it and chances of a positive outcome. If you’re far along in your pregnancy, or maybe you have to use a specific type of care due to health or insurance restrictions, you can make a few changes too.
- Choose your support team carefully: if you’re limited to specific caregivers or a specific hospital, make sure that the support you bring with you has only people you feel 100% comfortable with and confident in.
- Find a doula: often there are doulas who are willing to come even last minute. Sure, you might have to shop around a lot, but there are likely doulas out there who would work with you. (If you live in a remote or rural area, consider a virtual doula.)
- Tour the delivery location: this is to help you feel more comfortable or familiar with the location before you go there in labor.
- Ask questions! There are a lot of care providers out there that seem pretty intimidating, and often you feel like a number to them, not a person. It’s important to remember though that this is your experience, not theirs, and that it’s essential for you to feel comfortable, not them! Always ask questions, your support team should feel comfortable asking questions too.
Those may not seem like big changes, but sometimes just those little adjustments to care can make a world of difference, especially if you can’t make big changes like care providers or delivery locations. Always remember that staff and caregivers should be there for you, you should feel like you’re the center of what they’re doing and that you’re making the decisions. If they are making you feel like a burden or making decisions around you, it’s absolutely ok to speak up or ask for different staff. Even if you have limitations, you can often make adjustments within those parameters.